pieces

There’s this song called “Pieces” that has been my anthem for the past few months.  It began my journey of daily seeking God 119 days ago, broke me open and healed me, and welcomed Obi into this world.  The words of the song speak of God’s love that is the opposite of every way that I have tried to love.

Your love is WILD, Your love is wild for me.  When she sings this line, I see an image of me jumping into Husband’s arms when we were first dating.  I was in my apartment making his birthday gift when he walked through the door.  I was so excited to see him, I ran and jumped into his arms wrapping myself around him like a koala.

In the song, it says God’s love is unreserved, unrestrained; it isn’t shy, it’s unashamed and proud to be seen with me.  His love is uncontrolled, uncontained, a fire burning bright for me, a light for all the world to see.  His love isn’t fractured, it’s not a troubled mind, it isn’t anxious or the restless kind.  His love isn’t passive, disengaged; it’s always present and hangs on every word I say.  His love keeps its promises, keeps its word, and honors what’s sacred.  His love isn’t broken, insecure, or selfish.  His love is pure, and He doesn’t give His heart in pieces or hide Himself to tease me.

I am the opposite of everything God is.  I am reserved, restrained, shy, ashamed, and my love is controlled, contained, a small flame as opposed to a raging fire.  My love is fractured, a troubled mind, anxious and restless, passive, and disengaged.  I don’t keep promises or keep my word or honor what’s sacred.  My love is broken, insecure and selfish.  My love isn’t pure and I give my heart in pieces, hiding myself instead of giving myself, instead of being proud to be seen with you.

I have hope that as I seek God, I experience more and more of His love.  And I have hope that as I receive this love, that it flows through me to others– that I can’t help but come out of hiding and give my whole heart to every person I encounter. No holding back.  All of me.